The Biggest Mistake
by Reefgirl
Summary: Sheppard contemplates the biggest, toe curling mistake he's ever made. My first emotional Shep Whump. I know I can't believe I wrote a Sheppard story either.


Rating: K+

Spoilers: None

Pairings: John/Elizabeth (Did I really say that?) Elizabeth/Lorne

Summary: John contemplates the biggest mistake he has ever made.

Disclaimer: I own none of the Stargate Characters; neither do I own the words to The Biggest Mistake they belong to Mick Jagger and Keith Richards

Authors Notes: I know I know, song fics are not the done thing but the words just screamed John Sheppard at me.

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_When love comes so late, it'll really hit hard _

_It slams through the gate, it'll catch you off guard _

_Everyone said, "What a perfect love match _

_'Cause she is so smart, she's a hell of a catch" _

John Sheppard was sitting in his room with a beer in his hand, as far away from the party as he could possibly be, if things had been, different Elizabeth would be on his arm instead of his second in commands. When he and Elizabeth had finally gotten together two years ago, there had been congratulations from everyone, including his parents. He'd taken Elizabeth to meet them the last time he was on Earth,

"She's so sweet," said his mother "you are perfect together"

"She's one hell of a catch, don't let her slip through your fingers son" said his father. John had thought that that was the last thing he'd do, he'd fallen head over heels in love with her the day they'd set foot in Atlantis, 'Fool' he berated himself.

_I was drinking in love, gulping it down _

_Drifting for months on a billowing cloud _

_But after awhile I stopped to rebel _

_I'm back in the past and I'm raising up hell _

It had been fine at first, he was so deeply in love that nothing mattered not even the teasing from Rodney, Teyla and Ronon. He couldn't get enough of Elizabeth and she of him, her scent and her touch was all he could think of. Rodney said he was next to useless on missions and privately he, Teyla and Ronon said that they would be glad when this first flush was over so things could get back to normal.

_But I think I've just made the biggest mistake of my life _

'And some' he thought as he opened another beer and tried not to think of Elizabeth in Lorne's arms.

_We'd been living together for over a year _

_The harmony's perfect, it rang loud and clear _

_But then very slowly, my nerves start to fray _

_The little things big, that's what they say _

They had been together for twelve months and things were still going well, they were the toast of the Galaxy. More worlds had agreed to trade with them when they realised that he and Elizabeth were a couple, they seemed to trust them more than they did when she was the leader and he the military commander, family was a way of life in this galaxy. But then he'd started to get itchy feet, he couldn't enjoy himself so much when he was on other planets, he'd stayed away from all the pretty girls but it hadn't been easy. Rodney had made some comment early on about 'Kirk' being gelded, which he'd laughed off at first, but as time went on the comment began to niggle at him. He needed his space he needed to slob out by himself sometimes but he couldn't, living with Elizabeth, so he'd started to snap at her, avoid her in the mess hall and he'd started to slide back into his single habits.

_I acted impatient, I acted unkind _

_I took her for granted, I played with her mind _

_She didn't deserve it but it was too late _

_I walked out the door and left her to her fate _

It had gone downhill from there, it wasn't as if she'd been the moaning wife, she'd been kind, considerate and understanding but he'd been a total jerk over it, the more patient she was with his behaviour the worse he acted. He'd started by nagging at her to hurry up with her decision making, acting like she was deliberately being careful with her negotiations just to annoy him, when she'd skipped some vital research in a deal with a race called the Nygellan just to please him it had caused Lorne and his team to be imprisoned. He'd blamed her for the whole thing and refused to speak to her for a week. She hadn't deserved to be treated like that but he was too far into his tantrum throwing ways to see clearly. Elizabeth had been heartbroken by his actions towards her but had tried to carry on as if nothing had happened, Teyla had given John the cold shoulder for days after she had found Elizabeth crying on a balcony on the East Pier. He was no longer Rodney and Radek's blue-eyed boy either, they'd stopped calling on him to activate Ancient technology, they'd started asking Miko Kusanagi and Evan Lorne to do it for them, Lorne was icily courteous to him, nothing more nothing less and even Kavanaugh had been see giving Elizabeth coffee and tissues. What had caused him to walk out on her was when he'd spotted her in her office late one night, Lorne was with her and he'd had his arm around her, comforting her, Elizabeth had had her head on his shoulder and every so often she would wipe her eyes, obviously spilling her guts to him. When she had gotten back to their quarters, he was waiting for her and they'd had the biggest fight either of them could remember, he'd stormed out and gone back to his old room with her voice calling his name still ringing in his ears.

_And I think I've just made the biggest mistake of my life_

He hadn't seen it at that point but as he'd calmed down and realised just what a jerk he'd been it was too late. As word got around he began to see how unpopular he'd become, _no one_ was speaking to him now, the military personnel gave him the respect his rank dictated but that was all. Teyla, Rodney and Ronon obeyed his orders but whatever respect they'd had for him was long gone, the civilian personnel ignored him completely, even the chefs and the scientists hadn't bothered with the practical jokes at his expense.

_Now I'm down in a slump and I'm eating alone _

_I ruined the day with some friends on the phone _

_I never go out, I'm becoming a grouch _

_I just watch the TV and I drink on the couch _

The Athoisians were hosting a party to celebrate the end of successful trading negotiations and as it was the rainy season Elizabeth had offered them one of the big halls in Atlantis. Halling and Teyla had invited the Atlanteans to join them and the party had been they talk of Atlantis for days, Alex the chef had worked with the Athosian women in the preparation of traditional dishes from both Athos, Earth and Mygos, the world the Athosian's had been trading with for a few days. Teyla had invited John to join them but he'd refused. Things were thawing out between John and Elizabeth's friends now but when he'd stopped sulking and realised just what a fool he'd been it was too late to do anything but apologise for his behavoir, he knew he'd never get her back, not that she'd want him back after they way he'd treated her. Six months ago someone had told him that Elizabeth had been seeing a lot of Lorne in her off hours and slowly he began to see the smile that used to greet his return through the gate and her "Be safe" words directed at his second in command, it was then he realised just what a big mistake he'd made. Sitting on his bed he opened another beer and cursed his stupid male pride as he slipped a DVD into the player.

_But if love comes again, I'll be surprised _

_I'll grab it real fast, keep it right in my sights_

'Maybe one day' he thought 'I'll be lucky again but I doubt it.

_'Cause I think I've just made the biggest mistake of my life _

"Of all the mistakes I've made in my life that has to be that has to be the biggest in two galaxies" John said to an empty room.

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**AN:** So how did I do with my first emotional Shep Whump?


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